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How to help a family member who has been scammed
If a family member has been scammed, you have two jobs at once: help them take the practical steps, securing accounts, stopping any ongoing loss, preserving evidence, reporting, and respond in a way that keeps them talking to you rather than retreating into shame. The second job is not the soft one. Shame is exactly what keeps victims silent, paying, and vulnerable to the next scam. How you react in the first conversation shapes everything that follows.
Start with how you react, because it decides the rest
When someone tells you they have been scammed, they have usually spent days dreading the conversation. They expect judgement. What you say in the first minute decides whether they tell you everything, including the parts that are still ongoing, or whether they close up and handle it alone, which is how people keep paying.
So the first words matter: "I'm glad you told me. We'll sort this out together." Not "how did you fall for this", not "I would never have", not a lecture about what they should have done. There will be time for prevention later. Right now, the goal is a person who trusts you enough to show you the whole picture.
This is not just kindness. It is the practical foundation for everything below.
The steps, in order
1. Make it safe to talk. Thank them for telling you. Keep calm even if the amount shocks you. Your reaction is being watched for whether it is safe to continue.
2. Stop any ongoing loss. Many scams are still live when they come to light. Gently find out: are they still in contact with the person? Are they being asked for more money, a fee, a tax, "one more deposit"? If so, the first practical priority is to stop further payments and, where safe, end the contact. A pig butchering or task scam can run for weeks.
3. Secure the accounts. Help them change passwords and turn on two-factor authentication, starting with email, then any exchange or bank involved. If a wallet or recovery phrase was exposed, move remaining funds to safety.
4. Preserve the evidence. Before anything is deleted, help them save the messages, the platform, the wallet addresses, the payment records, and a timeline. Our evidence checklist covers it, and our first 48 hours guide covers the full sequence.
5. Report it together. File with IC3 and the FTC, and contact the bank or platform. Doing it alongside them, rather than for them, keeps their dignity intact and keeps them informed.
What to do, and what to avoid
How you help matters as much as what you do. The difference between support and control is whether they come out of it trusting you more or less.
The items on the right all come from good intentions, which is what makes them easy to slip into. Taking over feels efficient; promising to get the money back feels reassuring; "how could you" feels like concern. Each one, though, either strips the person's dignity or sets up a disappointment. Acting with them, at their pace, protects both the outcome and the relationship.
Warn them about the second scam, gently
This is the single most useful thing you can add, because it is the danger they will not see coming.
People who have just been scammed are targeted again, often within days, by "recovery" operations promising to get the money back for a fee. A distressed person who wants desperately to undo the loss is exactly the target. Make sure they know, before it happens: no legitimate recovery asks for an upfront fee, and anyone who contacts them offering to get the funds back is almost certainly a second scam. Our guide on spotting a recovery scam is worth going through with them.
Framing it as "here is the next thing they will try" rather than "do not be stupid again" keeps the warning useful instead of wounding.
If it is an older relative, or it keeps happening
Where a parent or older relative has been targeted, especially more than once, there is a harder balance between protecting them and respecting their independence. A few things help without taking over.
Suggest, do not impose, small guardrails: a trusted-contact person on their bank account, a habit of running any unexpected money request past you or another relative first, a shared rule that nobody legitimate asks you to move money urgently or secretly. The aim is a second set of eyes they have agreed to, not a loss of autonomy. Removing someone's financial independence against their will tends to end the honest conversations, which is the opposite of what protects them.
If there are signs of coercion, cognitive decline, or repeated large losses, it may be worth involving other family members or, where available, adult protective services, carefully and with the person's dignity in mind.
Look after yourself, too
Supporting someone through a scam, especially a large one, is heavy. You may feel anger at the scammer, frustration, even grief over the money. That is normal. Try not to let it leak out as blame toward the person who was targeted, who is already carrying enough. If you need to vent, do it away from them. Steady, calm help over weeks is worth more than intense help that burns out or turns critical.
What not to say
- "How could you fall for this?"
- "I would never have believed that."
- "Why didn't you ask me first?"
- "You've lost everything, haven't you."
- "I'll get it all back for you." (a promise you cannot keep)
Each of these, however it is meant, tells the person it was not safe to come to you, which is the one outcome that makes them less safe.
What this guide cannot do
It cannot recover what was lost, and it cannot undo the hurt. What it can do is help you be the person your relative can be honest with, which is what stops the ongoing loss, prevents the second scam, and gets the right steps taken in time. In a situation with few good outcomes, keeping their trust is the one that protects them most.
This is general information, not legal, financial, or medical advice.
Use Chain Pursuit's free tools to go through the options together and to identify possible recovery scams. Do not share seed phrases or private keys with anyone, including to "help" a relative recover funds.
Sources
Federal Trade Commission, What To Do if You Were Scammed. https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-you-were-scammed, on the practical reporting and recovery steps by payment method.
Federal Trade Commission, Scams Against Older Adults. https://consumer.ftc.gov/consumer-alerts, on the targeting of older adults and on supporting relatives who have been defrauded.
Internet Crime Complaint Center, File a Complaint. https://www.ic3.gov/Home/ComplaintChoice, where to report, with a warning against non-law-enforcement recovery services.
The emphasis on reducing shame reflects well-documented findings that fear of judgement keeps fraud victims from reporting and makes them more vulnerable to repeat victimisation. Reviewed quarterly.
Frequently asked questions
My relative was scammed and I'm angry. What should I say first?
Lead with "I'm glad you told me, we'll sort this out together," and keep your reaction calm even if the amount shocks you. Anger and blame, however understandable, make people retreat and hide the parts of the situation that are still ongoing. You can process your own feelings later, away from them.
How do I know if the scam is still happening?
Ask gently whether they are still in contact with the person and whether they are being asked for more money, a fee, a tax, or another deposit. Many scams run for weeks and are still live when they come to light. If it is ongoing, stopping further payments and ending contact is the first practical priority.
Should I just take over and handle everything for them?
Help with them, not over them, wherever possible. Taking over feels efficient but strips their dignity and can end the honest conversation. Do the steps alongside them, at their pace, so they stay informed and keep their independence. The exception is if they are unable to act themselves and have asked you to.
What's the most important thing to warn them about?
The recovery scam. People who were just scammed are targeted again within days by operations promising to get the money back for an upfront fee. Warn them in advance that no legitimate recovery charges a fee upfront, so they recognise the second scam before it reaches them.
My elderly parent keeps getting scammed. What can I do?
Suggest small guardrails rather than imposing them: a trusted contact on their account, a habit of running unexpected money requests past you first, and a shared rule that nobody legitimate asks for urgent or secret payments. If there are signs of coercion or decline, consider involving other family or adult protective services, carefully and with their dignity in mind.
Should I promise them I'll get the money back?
No. It is tempting and kind-sounding, but it is a promise you usually cannot keep, and it sets up a worse disappointment. Be honest that recovery is often not possible, that you will help them do everything that can be done, and that reporting matters regardless.
They're too ashamed to report it. How do I encourage them?
Normalise it: millions of people are scammed, the schemes are engineered by professionals, and being targeted is not a failing. Offer to do the report together, and frame it as helping stop the scammer from doing it to someone else. Keep the focus on action, not on how it happened.
Someone offered to recover their funds. Should they accept?
Treat it as a second scam. Real recovery options are ones you seek out, not ones that arrive offering to get your money back for a fee. Never pay anyone upfront, never share recovery phrases or passwords, and verify any claim independently. Go through our recovery-scam guide together before engaging anyone.
Helping someone work out what can be done?
Eleven questions you can go through together to see which routes are open.
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